This morning the intense Texas summer sun came through my bedroom window, and there was this resolve in me that … it would be a good day.
So with everyone in the family still asleep, I awoke first as I usually do, and whispered to our dog Summer, “C’mon girl, let’s go outside so you can do your business.”
I let Summer outside and watched her run off into the grass. I sat out on our patio and listened to the birds and the distant roaring and clanking of some tractors in the field behind our home. I don’t care much for birds, and since becoming a mom of three, sadly, I’ve long forgotten the art of stillness … but today, I listened and I was still. And I have been doing this every morning for the last month – soaking in all the random sounds of the morning.
Simply for the fact that today, I can.
I shared in my last post (seemingly written eons ago) that at the start of summer, I suddenly lost hearing in my left ear. It was sudden sensorineural hearing loss. Having lived all my life with two perfectly hearing ears, it was a bit terrifying. The doctor, at the time, told me we would just have to “wait and see” how or if I would get better… and if so, to what extent. Um. How or if? Let’s just say, I was one sick, pathetic, scared girl for those first days until I could make sense of my emotions.
I just want to say here, thank you so much to those who prayed for me. I know even some of you, my readers (who don’t know me but through my sorely intermittent posts), lifted up prayers. I’m so humbled! I feel incredibly blessed to have the support I do. Your prayers made a difference, and God heard you, because throughout this whole ordeal, I have felt a sense of protection and peace that I know I couldn’t conjure up on my own.
Thankfully, the most miraculous thing happened, my hearing in my left ear improved – some frequencies came up to the normal range! By no means, do I have normal hearing in that ear, but it has gotten better. So thankful! But all of this is leading to more tests and unknowns and talk of autoimmunity, Lyme, and other causes I don’t really want to think about.
One of my most tragic tendencies is to let tomorrow’s fears completely sabotage today’s joy. Does this happen to you? You can be in a moment, a seriously beautiful place with precious people, and yet feel absolutely weighed down by tomorrow.
Or you can become so bogged down by the what ifs, that you find it hard to cherish what you do have in the moment.
It’s just not right.
But Philippians 4:6 is a pretty powerful verse, and one that I’m holding on to pretty tightly these days:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And Philippians 4:7 promises this:
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Anxiety has got to be one of the greatest threats to our joy. And peace can feel quite illusive at times.
I was also wondering, how many times do we literally postpone joy? Feel that it’s impossible to have unless life is going exactly how we planned? Why does it feel we can’t even begin our lives until everything has fallen into place? Ironically, it’s hard to be thankful when we are in fear that one day, we may lose what’s important to us. There are so many uncertainties in life, and it can be paralyzing.
True peace and joy are surprising things though. I’m still learning. It can’t be reserved for perfect circumstances and clear sailing. It’s something we fight to have, in the midst, in the face of, and despite the losses and messes of our lives. It’s not really about our own strength, but surrendering to God and believing in His promises despite how we feel.
As my mom used to always say, life is hard, but God is good.
Simple and trite, but it’s filled with hope – the kind of hope this broken world often scoffs at and mocks, but deep down, desperately needs.
If God is good, then we can rest in that. We can collapse in that. We can be deeply thankful that in a senseless world and a life often filled with pain, we can still wake up believing it will be a good day. We can listen to the birds chirp or whatever little thing we can still do, and feel thankful for it.
Even though we don’t always understand why things happen, gratitude frees us to keep going forward with hope, even if life has taken unexpected turns – and this gratitude for who God is and what He promises… slays the fears and monsters of tomorrow and kicks the enemy and his conundrums beneath our feet.
My faith is not perfect (and will never be this side of life) and I still have moments when my ever crazy beautiful life feels too overwhelming for my nerves, but I fully believe that God’s got this – He’s my healer, restorer, and my strength for each morning. He is my peace.
Yeah, I still fight worry … at times.
But I will listen to the birds, because I still can.
And I really hope you will listen to yours, too.
11 thoughts on “Because Today, I Can”
I really needed to read this post today. I suffer from anxiety and for some reason this week has been a real doozy with it. There is no reason for it. I just feel attacked. I am going to pray for my joy today!
I am so thankful that your hearing is improving and will continue to pray!
I’m glad this post was helpful to you. I understand what it’s like to feel anxious too and not really know why. I think some of us are just more sensitive to what’s around us … it’s definitely not a bad thing, but it can be hard when we are prone to fear. 😦 It can be a total joy stealer. Praying you’ve been having better more joyful days!
Kim, It was great seeing you and the family when you were on vacation here in California. I am always inspired by your faithfulness and commitment in spite of difficulties in your life. Please continue to write and know that many are in prayer with you.
Thank you Auntie Gayle! It was so great to see you all this past summer. I’m thankful that we will always have a home in California. I will try my best to continue to write!
I am so glad to hear you got some hearing back in your left ear!! Praise the Lord!!
I will keep praying for complete healing in that ear and the right one. I can only imagine the fight you going through as all these reports come your way.
This morning in my quiet time I was reading Matthew 8 (the chapter that speaks about healing being our portion) and I would like to encourage you with something specific from that chapter,
“And behold, a leper came up to Him and, prostrating himself, worshiped Him saying, Lord, if You are willing, You are able to cleanse me by curing me.
And He reached out His hand and touched him, saying, I am willing; be cleansed by being cured. And instantly his leprosy was cured and cleansed.”
Matthew 8:2, 3
“When evening came, they brought to Him many who were under the power of demons, and He drove out the spirits with a word and restored to health all who were sick.
And thus He fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah, He himself took [in order to carry away] our weaknesses and infirmities and bore away our diseases. ”
Matthew 8:16, 17
Jesus is ALWAYS willing to heal us. So I declare you are healed completely in both ears!
I am always challenged by your faith Kim. In the darkest of situations you stand strong in faith. I am always encouraged and inspired by it. You are healed in Jesus name!
Rolain, wow, thank you for your encouragement, prayer, and sharing Matthew 8 with me. I am definitely trusting in God and relying on Him day by day. I know He is good! I hope you are well!!
You welcome Kim. I am very well, thank you. I hope your week has been good…
If I could “like” this post a dozen times, I would. 😀
Aw thanks so much. I appreciate you taking the time to comment here :). I hope you are doing well – just visited your blog! It’s great!
🙂 Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback– I just started on… oh… Tuesday? so I’m still figuring out what I’m doing with it.
Welcome to blogging! All the best to you. Write from your heart and enjoy the journey. 🙂